In my recent The Ugly Side of Change conversation with Dr. Alison Zimon, we talked about the “falling behind” feeling—or the sense of being out of step with others.
I remember that feeling all too well throughout my life’s journey, especially when I was diagnosed with infertility and dove headfirst into the world of assisted reproductive technologies. My group of friends became pregnant once, then again with their second, and a few even a third time—while I was undergoing surgeries, navigating heartache, enduring an ectopic pregnancy, and living through repeated heartbreak.
It wasn’t just jealousy. It was the aching sense of being out of the “cycle” of life—the one we’re taught to see as normal.
That same familiar feeling resurfaced years later during my high-conflict divorce—30+ court filings from my ex—while I was raising my children on my own.
Without being part of the coupled world, there was no space that felt “normal.” And the truth is, we live in a world designed for couples—and judged for being uncoupled.
It’s a jumbled mess of emotions: grief, frustration, urgency to conform, and resistance to do so—all tangled together.
Talking it through helps. And so does realizing that those same emotions live inside others—the very people who seem like they’re “ahead” of you. That realization can help normalize your discomfort.
I don’t know what may have triggered your momentary flash of feeling like you’re falling behind—but I’ve lived it. I’ve faced it. And I deeply understand it.
So, if you’re feeling behind in life, or like things aren’t where you imagined they’d be by now, let’s work together during this period of difference. One truth I can offer:
What is truly meant for you—what is yours—will never pass you by.
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Change can be messy, uncertain, and even a little ugly—but you don’t have to navigate it alone.
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You’re not alone. You’re just becoming.
