As most of you know, when a theme appears within my coaching sessions, I take time and feel into the energies behind that theme and the energy of the US for understanding and a path through.
What has been coming up in different forms and situations is the relationship interactions between our inner self-relationship and between ourselves and others when we are clearly within a NO stance and it is unquivably disrespected, ignored and stampard straight through!
I want to share a self-to-self example about a fertility client who was receiving inner guidance and communication from her mind, soul, emotions and, most importantly, her BODY, a clear NO do not proceed.
But her inner drive and remuneration to battle against time was louder than her real NO. It kept her out of her inner peace and drove her to move forward.
Grateful for our coaching relationship and loving bond, we further explored the WHY behind her overriding her NO. After doing so, she felt that to pivot from her hard-driving plan was best and GUESS WHAT? SHE’S PREGNANT!!!
Her body was screaming NO! Her mind was screaming NO and her soul created a choice point to NO! That is her inner wisdom shining through. She was overstimulated, mind, body, soul, and emotions and when she took a holistic quiet moment it became clear. (Read my blog post about overstimulation here.)
This is a tough one! The example I would like to share of the NO between another person is an incident that took place between my Love Relationship coaching client and a male (date) which was pushing for sex on a date.
This female was strong in her NO but it was challenged. Her NO was pushed. Her NO was aggressively violated.
Her NO was made to be felt “wrong” or “bad” for declaring it.
My client said she felt bad or guilty about saying no and felt his anger and aggressiveness, so she kissed him to placate him until he was made to leave her space.
This is A TERRIBLE POSITION FOR A YOUNG WOMAN OR ANY WOMAN TO BE IN.
YOUR NO MEANS NO. PERIOD!
Boundaries are your personal birthright and choice.
No other person should make you feel bad or hold you in a contemptuous place because you are holding your perfect line.
My client blocked, deleted and cut him out of her life and a continuation of her fearless HARD NO. We worked on the emotional residue from this experience and gently cleared and healed this from all her bodies.
There are types of people who disregard the clearly stated NO boundary regardless of how clear you are in communicating this; in your workplace, in your home, within relationships and, dare I say, family.
We all know these personality type people and if you’re the total opposite personality type it is not within your immediate consciousness that someone is malicious in their intent to achieve what they want.
So, here are three strategies around creating clear strong boundaries.
(1) Know your needs first: What feels right and what doesn’t. Write down your TTLC Needs, if you don’t know yours sign up for a complimentary session and we’ll figure this out together.
(2) Practice your in-the-heat-of-the-moment forceful fearless NO! Not your loud, obnoxious NO but the No where you feel your energy POP through your NO.
Imagine you’re talking to a child that is about to touch a hot stove and within your power you simply say a clear NO. That is staying grounded within your energy. Not questioning your instinct; just being within the flow of your boundary.
(3) Re-assess: With no apology you can change your mind if you agree to something and it doesn’t feel right in real time. You don’t have to feel bad because you said yes but now feels like a strong NO. It’s healthy to listen and do what’s right for you.
Self querying (read my blog here):
- What do I feel?
- What do I need?
Have some NO replies at the ready:
- “While I would love to it’s not going to work for me.”
- “I simple can’t take that on.”
- “No, thank you.”
- “I can’t add one more thing to my plate.”
- “No, I don’t feel comfortable with this.”
Especially for women it might feel like a new muscle to use a HARD fearless NO but you will be surprised how the fuel behind doing what is in perfect alignment with your mind, body, soul and emotions keeps you in your flow!
And remember:
No. It’s a complete sentence!
Let me know what you think of this information and if you have any questions please email me at kristen@kristendarcy.com.
