Forgiveness and the Dance of Change
What if change isn’t a straight line, but a dance of steps forward and back? In this soulful conversation, Dr. Anne-Marie Szmyt shares how forgiveness can reconnect us to ourselves and others—one step at a time.
During my recent conversation on The Ugly Side of Change , I had the honor of speaking with Dr. Anne-Marie Szmyt, whose insights into personal growth and transformation were too powerful not to share. Her wisdom reminded me that change rarely unfolds all at once. Instead, it’s more like a cha-cha dance—three smooth moves forward, two steps back—but you’re still progressing.
“One of the challenges we face is when we look around at others we admire—whether they’re married, a parent, working in a certain role, or thriving in meaningful relationships—and we think, “I’d love to be in that place.” We start asking ourselves, “How quickly can I get there? How can I put the pieces of the puzzle together to make that happen?”
When I talk with people about this, I often say, “Hey, I’ve been there. I understand what you’re going through.” But what I’ve found is that the real key is to turn inward. There’s a term that comes from politics, though it really applies far beyond that context—disjointed incrementalism.
It’s this idea that change doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in small, sometimes messy steps. And that’s okay.
It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel frustrated. But the real shift happens when you forgive. I truly believe this—and I try to practice it every day, especially recently. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
And the joy of it? You get to reignite, reconnect, and recommit to people, relationships, groups, or organizations that you may have thought were no longer possible. And that process—it’s incredibly energizing and uplifting.” Dr. Anne-Marie Szmyt
P.S. What is Disjointed Incrementalism?
Disjointed incrementalism is a term originally used in public policy to describe how decisions are often made through small, step-by-step changes rather than sweeping, all-at-once reforms. In the context of personal growth, it reflects the idea that change is rarely linear or perfectly planned. Instead, it unfolds in bits and pieces—sometimes disconnected, sometimes reversed—but still moving forward over time. It’s a powerful reminder that progress doesn’t have to be perfect to be real.
This formal term comes from the world of policy-making, where decisions are often made in small, imperfect steps rather than sweeping changes. It mirrors how personal change often unfolds: step by step, sometimes messy, but still meaningful.
A more everyday way to describe this? Muddling through. It’s not about having it all figured out — it’s about staying in motion, even when the path isn’t clear.
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