Green is the color of Kermit the frog, who sings the song “Its Not Easy Being Green.” Through his song, Kermit shares the plight of living life green, though not the eco friendly version. The approaching month of March, which is sprinkled with green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, inspired me to contemplate the meaning of this color. Although Kermit doesn’t discuss this, green is also associated with the saying “I’m green with envy!!”
Envy: to lust after something someone else possesses. Well, that is how I define it. You can be envious of a physical attribute, wealth or status. But when you are in the throws of the fertility journey, the green monster of envy might rear its head against pregnant women or perhaps those who are pregnant a second or a third time while you are still in the process of trying to create your first child.
I remember “feeling green” one day, smack dab in the middle of a fertility cycle. I was minding my own business in the middle of “Tar Jay” (aka Target). When I looked up, all of a sudden I was surrounded by pregnant women. How in the world could there be so many of them in one store? A rush of panic swept over me. I felt flushed, but it could have been the hormones. But anyway, no matter what direction I looked, there was a round. full baby bump. I took a few deep breaths and then did what any other hormone-induced fertility cycling women would have done. I abandoned my cart, ran to my car and cried. Leaving without toilet paper, laundry detergent and deodorant only added insult to injury.
Driving home, I felt envious and sad, but mostly upset about my reaction. On that day it wasn’t easy being green, I typically wouldn’t have described myself as being the green with envy type, but when motherhood eluded me that emotion became familiar.
Dr Kiltz’s wisdom about envy came through one day when we were co-presenting at a workshop in Albany. “Isn’t that where you want to be?” he questioned as I retold my round baby belly story.
He asked this with passion.
Yes, was the answer from so many and then the “but” came in! The conversation turned to the emotional pain of disappointment that rushes in first, having a cause and effect of blocking the ability to visualize oneself full and round. That was the rebuttal, to recoil from the thought instead of embracing the energy of pregnancy.
Listening about how the green block of envy might be that of fear and pain furthered the discussion…
Here’s what I know now that I wish I knew then:
Self-compassion is loving oneself fully. It is loving yourself even when you’re having a green moment. It is normal and human to feel the sensation of envy and the flush wave of being green. One could describe envy as having both a shadow side and a light side of green. The hopefulness of your heart’s desire can compel you forward.
Green is the color of the heart chakra. It is a healing and uplifting feeling that is always present and embodied within, just waiting to be tapped into in a moment’s notice. Just like your breath, quietly filling and emptying, your amazing heart energy is there shimmering green, waiting to be accessed for healing and peace.
Compassion and self-love are moving with acceptance into a non judgment state, allowing yourself to feel the complete range of emotions. Your open heart, the green of envy and the green peace of will all bring you on a journey to motherhood through a deeper awareness of your beautiful uniqueness.
So here’s a suggestion. On those days when you are feeling “it is not easy being green,” give yourself full rights to a day of doing just that. Declare today you will be envious, scared, sad, bitchy and unpleasant!!!! And green!!! Look out world!!!
I can almost guarantee that this declaration will put a smile on your face and a giggle in your throat!!!! Declare it! Feel it!!! Embrace that shade of green in you.
After all. We all look great in green!!
Love and blessings to you.
(Originally Published March 12, 2012)