Let’s talk about secrets.
Not the kind you whisper during pillow talk or write in your journal—but the ones you never get told. The ones that show up later with a vengeance, long after the damage is done.
There’s a particular kind of betrayal that comes from a lie by omission—when someone chooses not to tell you something because, as they claim, “they didn’t want to deal with your reaction.” That’s not protecting you. That’s gaslighting.
And in divorce—especially the high-conflict kind—these omissions can feel like landmines. Financial secrets, hidden accounts, passive-aggressive “oversights”—they all add up. And here’s the thing that hits hard:
When the awakening happens—when the marriage is no longer viable—it becomes a business deal.
And if you’re the woman in that relationship, there’s often a brutal, emotional learning curve. You have to come to terms with the fact that this person may no longer care about your well-being. The emotional mask comes off, and the gloves come on.
When the pain level increases—mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, and sometimes physical—we just want the pain to stop.
And that’s often when women are beaten down so far, they surrender.
But a piece of wisdom from my own divorce attorney still rings in my ears:
“If they want to speed up, we’re slowing down—because there’s something to uncover.”
This week on The Ugly Side of Change, I sit down with financial expert Rhonda Noordyk to talk about the realities of money in major life transitions, particularly divorce.
What resonated deeply with me is how often women avoid facing the financial piece. And not because we’re weak or unaware—it’s usually because we’re in survival mode. Emotionally crushed. Spiritually trying to stay afloat. And finances? They just feel too big, too complicated, or too triggering to tackle.
But Rhonda reminds us:
“If we don’t know where to start, we end up avoiding it—hoping it’ll all just work itself out. But that avoidance often leads to not being heard, or having to make decisions without complete information.”
The Ugly Side of Change Series: A Conversation with Rhonda Noordyk
Together, we discuss:
- Why financial clarity is part of emotional healing
- How women can begin to reclaim power in the midst of financial fog
- The connection between money shame and survival instincts
- The impact of hidden money dynamics during divorce negotiations
If you’ve ever felt blindsided or financially confused during a breakup or job loss—you are not alone. This episode is a gentle but firm nudge toward clarity, agency, and empowerment.
Tune in now and let this conversation be your starting point. Because the truth is: money isn’t just numbers. It’s energy, power, and peace of mind.
You deserve all three.
With you in the messy middle,
Kristen
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Change can be messy, uncertain, and even a little ugly—but you don’t have to navigate it alone.
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