Reflections on Narcissistic Abuse and the Power of Slowing Down
Sometimes you don’t even realize you’ve been led somewhere until you’re already deep in it.
During a recent conversation within The Ugly Side of Change, Lisa Johnson, founder of Been There Got Out, shared something recently that stuck with me—not just because of what she said, but how she said it. There was this quiet honesty in her voice as she reflected on how easily we can give our power away, especially when we don’t know we’re allowed to pause.
“I can’t believe that now, decades later, I had gone through most of my life never pausing to realize—am I even comfortable with this? Or am I just being led along by someone else?”
She was talking about a relationship that, in hindsight, she now recognizes as deeply toxic. Back then, she didn’t know the term love bombing.
Love bombing* is a manipulative tactic used to gain control over someone in a relationship by showering them with excessive attention and affection.
Here’s how love bombing often works: (via google)
- Excessive attention and affection: This includes constant communication (texts, calls), grand gestures of affection, and overwhelming compliments.
- Building dependency: The goal is to make the recipient feel special and valued, fostering a sense of dependence and making them more susceptible to manipulation.
- Rapid progression of the relationship: Love bombers may rush the relationship, talking about commitment or the future very early on.
- Isolation from support networks: They may try to isolate their target from friends and family to increase their control.
- Eventual shift to devaluation and discard: Once the love bomber feels they have the target “hooked,” the excessive affection often gives way to controlling or even abusive behavior.
Lisa didn’t know how someone could manipulate with charm, flattery, or future promises. All she saw was someone older, successful, and seemingly kind, telling her she was “marriage material.” That she was the one.
“He told me he’d dated all these people and that I was the one. And I was so flattered. I never stopped to consider—wait… is he even married? I probably should have paid a lot more attention.”
That line right there—I probably should have paid a lot more attention—it’s not about blaming herself. It’s about awakening. Because when you’ve been conditioned to please, to accommodate, to feel lucky that someone sees you—you don’t always ask the hard questions.
That’s why Lisa says the real turning point came later, when she learned to pause.
“Slowing things down and tuning in with my own feelings—it was so helpful. I mean, I’m a fast talker, I’m a New Yorker—but sometimes, you gotta pause. Even if it feels silly to ask yourself: how do I feel?”
It’s such a small question. But it’s life-changing.
This is where healing begins—not in regret or rewinding the past, but in reclaiming the present. Slowing down. Checking in. Noticing when you feel off, even if the words coming at you sound sweet. Recognizing that your body and intuition often know before your mind can explain why.
Because no matter how charming someone is, if you feel a little dizzy around them, unsure of your footing, or confused by their affection—it’s okay to pause.
And if this resonates with you, if you’ve ever felt like you were swept away before you had a chance to decide—you’re not alone. You’re not silly. You’re waking up.
And that’s powerful.
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More about Love Bombing*
- Excessive attention and affection: This includes constant communication (texts, calls), grand gestures of affection, and overwhelming compliments.
- Building dependency: The goal is to make the recipient feel special and valued, fostering a sense of dependence and making them more susceptible to manipulation.
- Rapid progression of the relationship: Love bombers may rush the relationship, talking about commitment or the future very early on.
- Isolation from support networks: They may try to isolate their target from friends and family to increase their control.
- Eventual shift to devaluation and discard: Once the love bomber feels they have the target “hooked,” the excessive affection often gives way to controlling or even abusive behavior.
- Gain control and influence: By creating a strong emotional bond, they can manipulate and control the other person’s thoughts and behaviors.
- Seek validation and adoration: Love bombers often have a deep need for reassurance and validation, and love bombing can be a way to elicit positive responses from their partner.
- Avoid rejection: Some may use excessive displays of affection to prevent the target from leaving or distancing themselves.
- Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse and can be very harmful to the recipient’s mental health.
- It’s important to trust your instincts and be aware of potential red flags, especially if a relationship seems to be moving too quickly or if the affection feels overwhelming or conditional.
- If you suspect you’re being love-bombed, it’s crucial to set boundaries and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. (ai on google)
