Remaining in Love with Yourself

Each decade is different.” These were my mother’s words of wisdom when I turned a certain age and sharing my sense of discomforts about life and myself. “Each decade is different” may not seem like too radical of an insight, but I use these words whenever I sense I am falling out of love with myself during a transformative period.

I now have five decades of life experience under my belt. My life has been filled with twists and turns that mostly fell into the “not as I had planned” category. I have gained a sense of comfort, however, in knowing that change is always certain. This knowledge brings clarity and a basic understanding of one profound belief: my mom was correct when she said each decade is different.

Being in the flow of the wave of creation is crucial, regardless of whether your intent is to paint your room a new color, get a new job or expand your family or begin anew. A foundation of self-love will move the journey forward with grace.

Falling out of love with yourself usually begins with the feeling that you’re not good enough and that is why life is working against you. Your mind (ego) grabs hold of that emotion and then you begin to obsess about it. Before you know it, you begin to believe you are a failure — unlovable, damaged, unsupportive, sad, depressed, angry, hopeless and infertile.

The emotion(s) take on an identity of their own and then BAM! You start living those beliefs and lose all loving feelings for yourself.

I am always astounded by the complexity of the creation process, but especially so when I share with my children, who are now 16 and 11, all the “steps” that had to go right to create them. Remembering this reminds me that although the stars and moon had to align, to manifest a human into form, the creative wave is always flowing and as long as your are clear about loving yourself and your intention, the process is miraculously simple.

Most of us are inundated with a constant flow of messages via instant communication tools that also come with the expectation of instant gratification, Do you find yourself annoyed if you don’t get an immediate response to your text? But is this also our expectation about creating our hearts desire or living our dreams? Do we feel it needs to happen in an instant; otherwise, there is something wrong with us? This makes loving creating challenges even more intense.

It takes practice to keep your heart and mind on the same open line of communication. This practice includes feeling and witnessing your emotions and allowing them to glide over you. Try setting up a daily practice of connecting to your childlike awe. It is simpler than you think to cultivate a practice of being in the flow of emotional health and bringing nonjudgmental awareness to your feelings.

Your internal conversation might sound like this:

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I have______? Why is this happening to me? Everyone else is___________!

When these types of judging thoughts roll in, pause and reflect and begin by asking yourself: Oh boy, is this a loving thought?

Then follow that question with these:

How do I feel? What do I need?

Listen to your heart, acknowledge your chattering mind, and if the chattering mind talks over your heart, simply let it blow by.

You are not your feelings! Living in a loving essence is accepting the feeling in the moment, acknowledging it and then acting on what you need by listening to your feelings!

Be in loving-kindness with yourself first and that love will ripple into all parts of your life and be the driver of your creations.

Love is our truth. Remember this throughout each decade of your life!


Remaining in Love with Yourself was spotlighted on Tamara Green’s website.

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