I am still working on undoing a long-standing habit of saying unkind things about myself—mostly in a humorous way, but still self-deprecating instead of self-loving.
Growing up in an abusive alcoholic household, our default coping mechanism was humor. “Well, that went well!” was our go-to line whenever things were in chaos—if you dropped something, spilled something, tripped, or had to survive another rage-filled evening. Humor helped us survive.
So if we were measuring the neural pathways in my brain, the groove for speaking unkindly about myself would be as deep as the Grand Canyon. I have to admit, I do make myself laugh—and others too. We used comedy as stress relief, and that part is fine. But not when the words are quietly hurting us.
I’m not sure it was premeditated, but I must have unconsciously slipped back into that old, self-harsh comedic talk when one day a sticker magically appeared on my desk. It said:
“Be kind to Yourself.”
The magical fairy who left it was my daughter—and to be honest, it hit me hard.
For decades, my work has been about helping women through the most difficult transitions—moments that bring them to their knees. And yet, even with all this passion and devotion, I still sometimes backslide too.
It is a continual re-learning to fully embody the awareness that you deserve love—especially when, as women, we are so often confronted with the opposite message. We are bombarded with the idea that love must be earned.
Part of self-kindness is learning to witness the back-steps of your own cha-cha dance of awareness with an open heart and without self-judgment. It’s gently inquiring: What are the feelings behind this harshness? And how can I release them?
That sticker now sits on my dresser as a daily, gentle reminder to be—and act—kindly to myself.
This month, I encourage you to print the sticker I created for February and also to write this month’s affirmation somewhere you’ll see it often:
“I am worthy of my own tenderness. My love grows from within.”
And one more invitation: Write yourself a Love Letter. Highlight your strengths. Name the moments you’re proud of.
And when those self-critical voices show up, pause and re-read your letter—remembering that you, too, are slowly filling in your own canyon with self-love and inner joy.
With Love, Kristen
Subscribe to my YouTube channel, The Ugly Side of Change — honest conversations and soulful support each week.
Join my newsletter — weekly inspiration, spiritual insight, and practical tools for your healing journey
