The After Effects: Getting Through The Illness, The Divorce, The Fertility Treatment Cycle & Challenges
I wrote about the after effects of my fertility challenges in my book Love & Infertility: Survival Strategies for Infertility, Marriage, and Life. How I felt as though I had blinders on during my fertility treatments and never put my attention on the “after” or “future”. I didn’t allow myself any future thinking like how it would be to be pregnant. What that would feel like, how the experience would be, feel and look like.
The fear was blinding and The “What if’s”…. Such as What if I never get pregnant? What if I lose another baby? What if something happens to the baby? So, when I delivered my son, it was like ok, now what? How does this work? What is my intention or vision of motherhood?
The organic flow was so disruptive and there wasn’t a creative vision about the process of motherhood so when “normal” came in I was still unsettled. Feeling unsure and out of step with others. These familiar feelings resurfaced when I filed for divorce. After the shocking discovery, I once again felt the after effects. I began referring to these types of feelings as the “after effect syndrome”. For me, it means coming into a wider awareness of what transpired and unwinding the stuck energy.
It’s like suddenly awakening and realizing that you’re in the garage of your house and not in your bed. How did I get here! It’s startling, scary, and traumatic.
Just as the beginning of some uncertainty brings intense feelings after the event realization needs to be acknowledged and processed. And dare I say celebrated?
Are you in the after effects phase of a traumatic life experience or growth?
I’d like to share two important self-care tips to begin today:
- Acknowledge the letdown after effect release moments. Let there be space to know what you went through and release the trappings of that trauma.
- Identify – Daily three things that support your bravery and new chapter. Say them out loud. Write them down. Have a physical representation of your future and hold it when you are acknowledging your future daily. Feel the feelings of being engulfed in your future. When faced with traumatic events the energy of them can be sticky and leave an invisible residue within your systems; physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual systems. It comes within the releasing cycle, that we empty and fill into goodness.
- Ask what you’ve learned from the heartbreak, trauma and how this situation has changed you, and in what ways? This too will release the after effects.
What I took from my hard won “after effects” exploring is that I’m filled with braver persistence than ever thought. The line “Nevertheless, She Persisted” is what I also see within my coaching clients; the underrated steadfast stick to itness! Now we should all have an online after effects party! Would you join me? Email me directly! firstname.lastname@example.org for the details!