I was speaking with a new client who is currently living out of the country. She scheduled her complimentary initial coaching session because she was struggling with her third failed IVFcycle and the issue heavy on her heart was that she felt very angry. Have you felt angry during your fertility treatment journey? I know I did.
She was angry because she is in another country with a language barrier. She was angry because she feels as though there aren’t many options for her treatment and she is angry (mostly) with the people around her giving her unsolicited directions and advice, such as telling her to just adopt, use a surrogate or whatever other uneducated opinion they have.
What I have come to understand and know about anger is that there are probably other feelings lurking underneath. Perhaps feeling sadness, burden and maybe feeling a lack of control. There is no control over when you are in the process of creating your family outside your bedroom! The sense of not having control can increase anxiety, stress and kick up all sorts of other heavier emotions.
But here’s the empowering thing… you do have control over your body, your choices and how you react to unsolicited advice or direction. During my journey I had rehearsed responses to “THOSE TYPE OF QUESTIONS OR SUGGESTIONS” and I called them my “elevator speech” which is usually used within a business context because the canned reply is when you’re able to tell someone what you do between floors in an elevator ride. Anyway, I had a scripted response at the ready and it helped in two ways. 1) Reducing the anxiety around when those questions would come. 2) Empowered me to stay grounded within myself when answering those unappreciated questions.
The Elevator Speech is a chapter in my book Love & Infertility. You can read it here.
Grounding techniques (check out my blog here) are sure to help when you find yourself within these types of communication and emotional exchanges. Move the anger through by empowering yourself and practice grounding you into the NOW.