I don’t know if I shared before but I motivate myself by setting rewards for meeting work goals and doing so, especially on the weekends. This particular Saturday, my calendar was filled in the morning, then I cleaned the house and had some writing to complete. My reward was I took my chair to the beach and quickly began to map out my blog content, then I could hear women’s voices.
“I’m F-ing depressed,” one woman said with a mix of anger and sadness. I couldn’t see her but I could feel her energetic vibe of sorrow.
So I glanced up from writing to locate the voice. The two women were down the beach walking towards me and their voices carried forward. (FYI beach voices carry so loudly)
“I don’t see you every day, so do you think you’re depressed and should see a therapist or someone? It’s been a lot but like I said not seeing you every day, my impression, you’re doing ok?”
“Do you think you’re doing okay?”
“I’m F-ing depressed, my anxiety is off the charts and this grief is overtaking me”
As they grew closer, their conversation turned quieter either because they noticed me or because they noticed I was “stealthy” listening. I was questioning myself if I should say something or not; but decided to just hide behind my writing paper and distractingly began creating rock cairns next to my chair, as their voices grew louder again. With no space between them, they walked directly in front of me and the very sad woman stopped and said to her friend:
“With grief come much wisdom” the heartbroken woman proclaimed.
The power of the feminine friendships
Stopping by the shoreline, the friend instantly hugged her and they huddled for a few seconds. I looked over my writing paper and smiled at them both…. Thinking God, I freaking love women so much. She was very vocal about her brokenness and her friend was creating space for her grieving and discharged “out” all she needed to and then this big fat chunk of insight came spilling out! “With grief come much wisdom” The heartbroken female well shared her heartbreak, emotional struggles and discussed the wisdom she had gained from her profound loss. I cried, not stealthy either, as this all played out in front of my beach chair. Wisdom does come flooding in with grief. We use the energy of grief to clear out the old hidden murky grief. The old grief that hides our innate wisdom behind the pain and heartbreak gives way to a birthing energy for something new. (maybe not consciously, yet) That something new might take a little time to be made clear and witnessed but something new will come. The grief of loss shakes and rattles us to the core of our heart.
When my beloved mom died of pancreatic cancer, just twelve weeks after diagnosis, I was soul broken. A friend called me and said “I know this might be hard to hear but the second year is the worst” I actually said “WTF why would you say this?” This friend happens to be my “come and get me friend” who replied, “Because you need to know and I wished someone told me”. She had lost her mom too, just a year prior, and she basically said she wished someone had told her this wisdom. That year two was the worst. She was right because it was not a self-fulfilling prophecy. The second year was unfathomably difficult. And some years, 10 years later are tougher than others.
Grief has its own timeline and no one should judge you for your process of grieving. What we do need is the “Game of Life” reminder and making conscious choices of who you want and need by you. Grief might take two years to shift and move into the new birthing stage but it can be shorter or longer. You do you and honor, and appreciate the struggle as you become open again.
Are you grieving? Do you need support? Email me at kristen@kristendarcy.com you’re not alone.
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