What a Difference a Year Makes: Moving Past the Muddling

Life is simply full of challenges and transitions and muddling one’s way through such circumstances can be grueling. For just over four years, I was stuck in the middle of the muddling…and it was exhausting, even devastating at times. My husband and I were not only dealing with my recent multiple sclerosis diagnosis, but we were also dealing with our inability to conceive. If I could use one word to describe those four years it would be one of the simplest words in our language: sad. There was always a little piece of me that was sad I was unable to conceive, sad I had to deal with a potentially debilitating chronic illness and sad that others were so much happier than me.  But things do change and they certainly did for us.

I looked at my husband during dinner the other night and simply stated, “What a difference a year makes!” He smiled and nodded in agreement…then the baby cried and our short time to reflect was paused. But I did reflect long enough to realize how much more at peace and happier I am. Yes, part of the reason for my happiness is that I have my baby, but that is not the only reason. I am also happy because I have survived. I will never be the same person again, and I am grateful for a much deeper perspective on life. It’s true! I will be forever changed because I have endured, learned and triumphed. Whether I have one child or two, a completely healthy body or one that is weakened by its own immune system attacks…I know that although I may have sad moments, I will have many more happy moments. And when the muddling feels too overwhelming, I will be able to look back on my more trying moments and simply know that if I hang in there, things will get better.The trying moments pass, and when we have some distance from those periods in our lives, we are able to fully understand just how strong we are. If you are in the middle of the muddling, please remember that you will eventually move forward and find yourself in a more peaceful place. Although a challenge may linger, it is only part of an entire lifetime.

Wishing you many happy moments,

April Marques


(Originally Published July 10, 2012)

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