Caring for yourself as you head into court is critical. It can be so unbelievably scary going into family court when dealing with a high conflict ex. You are intent on a favorable outcome but your nerves are out of whack and causing havoc and fight-flight freeze- fawn response is kicking in high gear!!! Maybe your mind is overactive and your tummy is aching, it will be okay… Do these few things and know you’re not alone. Have a court appearance? Tips to Help You Through It!
Here are some important and helpful tips to help you feel Ready. Calm and most importantly, prepared.
- Legally: You and your attorney are a team. You have had conversations with the legal strategies and clear and documented evidence at the ready. If you are pro se have a bullet-pointed index card with you to keep the direct conversation with the judge factual and accurate. Expect the court day to take longer than anticipated.
- Physically: Sunday best dressed. Business attire blue and black in color tones and are not distracting. Create and bring a Court Kit within a big zip lock bag containing tissues, a small snack like nuts or granola bar, Tylenol, bottled water and chapstick, and anything else that you might personally need. The court day process can be long and physically draining and just knowing you have these items brings peace.
- Emotionally: This is the most important aspect of your appearance. Calm, cool, and collective. How do you maintain emotional balance when faced with the unknown? Visualization of how you will stand, hold your body and breathe during the time in front of the judge, this mental practice is empowering. If allowed, you might want to consider going to the court as a test run, go through security, see the courtroom, and find the bathroom. A practice run can calm your anxiety and give you a sense you know where you’re going and what is expected.
- Mentally. Be prepared to be called every ugliness under the sun and not react. A narcissist high conflict ex has a legal representative that also has those tendencies and will assume the role of flying monkey and in most cases because of their legal standing throw their legal “narc” weight at you in court. Speak when spoken to. Ask to respond and expect to be cut off and degraded. If you expected it you won’t be rattled by the sheer absurdity of the slander. Each and every time my ex was asked about his behaviors he would reply with “She…” fill in the blank about what falsity projected at me but mostly parental alienation, interference, and my mental health. It’s tough to stand there and take that but be like the goddess fighter that you are and move gently and softly out of the way of those verbal blows.
- Spiritually. A physical representation of your strength is important to hold or see. I wore the same rose quartz pendant or had rose quarts in my pocket for a spiritual talisman of protection. My legal team had a laminated Archangel Michael card clipped on my file or on the tabletop. Wrap yourself in a clock of white light of protection ensuring to put the hood over your head. Take a Moment in your Mind’s eye to envision you are wrapped in an energetic garment of protection. The energy of the court is toxic, harsh, and heavy. Call and ask for help from your spiritual upstairs team of light and love.
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