For the love of money…
Divorce isn’t just about splitting assets—it’s about reclaiming your life. And if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of financial abuse you know that becoming the master of your money isn’t just a mindset shift, it’s survival.
Recently, I came across an article describing couples as the “moneyed” and “unmoneyed” spouses. I dislike this terminology, but the truth is—it reflects the foundation of financial abuse. Reading it triggered me hard.
The shame of economic abuse, the disbelief, the internal anger of how victims are gaslit for years—it all resurfaced. For me, that abuse carried on right up until my daughter’s emancipation this past May… and, if I’m honest, it still lingers.
The Hidden Weapon: Health Insurance
One thing rarely discussed is health insurance. The spouse who holds the family policy often uses it as a tool of coercion.
In my case, my ex owned his companies and chose the policies. He made sure I was cornered into high-deductible “premium” plans that met his agenda, not the court order. Even in emergencies, this twisted manipulation left me scrambling.
Patterns of Financial Abuse
- Hidden marital assets
- “Poverty claims” despite boats, houses, and luxuries tucked away
- Short financial disclosure forms (under $75K in Massachusetts) used to avoid full transparency
- A calculated strategy of controlling access and information
This wasn’t just about money. It was about power.
What Do You Do if You’re the “Unmoneyed” Spouse?
When money becomes a weapon, you must level the playing field.
That means:
- Setting the tone for your case. Show the court, lawyers, and your ex that you will not be bullied.
- Protecting yourself and your children. Make it clear you are focused on fairness and stability.
- Recognizing the patterns. The “moneyed” spouse often thrives on conflict, secrecy, and control.
The Shift
Here’s the truth:
YOU ARE EQUAL.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
You are not “less than” because someone told you so.
When you start to recognize the duplicity—the financial lies, the betrayals, the manipulation—you feel rocked to your core. Vulnerable. Frightened. Confused. And yet, this is where your power begins to shift.
Trusting yourself. Trusting your intuition. Learning to stand in your worth.
What I Know for Sure
Healing is possible. Shifting your perspective is possible. Reconnecting with your heart and soul is not just possible—it’s necessary.
Through mindful self-care, energy shifts, and daily reminders of your value, you can rebuild your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual self.
You are destined for great things. Never forget it.
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