The Financial Burden of Divorce, Divorcing? Yes! Everyone wants your Money!
Going through a divorce? It might feel like everyone is after your money, and it’s not just your imagination.
Once you or your ex has filed for divorce, it’s as if you’ve entered an alternate reality with its own rules and unforeseen problems. Individuals who profit from the breakdown of families, often involving issues like violence, abuse, and trauma, are well-versed in navigating this alternate reality. They capitalize on it swiftly.
All the players getting RICH! From therapists to forensic psychologists, guardian ad litems (GALs), parent coordinators, and lawyers, including those who use the courts as a weapon against the usually under-financed protective parent, to judges who allow the divorce proceedings to drag on, enabling excessive billing and draining the responsible parent’s resources.
I even had a marriage therapist who later became my personal therapist, and I noticed a significant difference in billing, especially when I paid privately. Eventually, she requested that I not inform my ex about it, which I later found out was illegal. This incident, like many others, exposed a lack of ethics in the process.
The entire system seems designed to profit from the misfortune of divorce. Therapists, counselors, and GALs refer you to other professionals, often at exorbitant rates. My experience included a therapist who charged an exorbitant fee of $4,000, provided no help, and refused to return payments with a legitimate statement. The GAL, who later became the parent coordinator, made an astounding $100,000 from our protracted legal battle. My lawyer brought in an additional attorney for the three-day trial my ex would not settle, which added another $150,000 to my expenses and ultimately led to my financial insolvency.
When you’re dealing with a Narcissistic Ex When dealing with an ex who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and is set on undermining you, the family court system often becomes their arena. Each court appearance seems to revolve primarily around financial gain, with your ex frequently portraying themselves as the victim to harass you continually. This often results in allegations of parental alienation, which, in turn, leads to the involvement of specialists, the court ordering the need for reunification therapy for your children, and in the most severe instances, potential changes in custody.
What can you do? So, the first step is to educate yourself on how to navigate this challenging system. Identify its weaknesses and use them to your advantage. Start by planning for the long game and, most importantly, focus on self-preservation. The journey may be due to your ex’s abusive behavior, but it can and will be stopped by your own actions and choices.
Be gentle with yourself when you’re getting there. And give yourself space to grieve and process the overwhelming emotions.