That Surprise Question!

That Surprise Question! At the beginning of the year, I had the honor of being invited to be a presenter at Gina Daniel’s Lovable Summit. You might have seen the promotion of the event,  it was 5 straight days of leading-edge strategies and inside access to love experts and top influencers who were invited to speak about epic lasting love.  My topic was about self-care and shame,  not the most cheery of topics.  

Prior to my presentation, Gina and I had run through what I was presenting and other logistics.  If you watched the interview you would have seen that as our time was coming to a close, paused and said: “I have tough questions for you, are you willing to answer”.  I wasn’t ready for that surprise question and how it would make me feel. 

Thinking it was about shame related to divorce, infertility, or loss I said “SURE!”

But it wasn’t! 

Remember in the movie, Jerry Maguire,  when all the athletes went onto Roy’s talk show, and the host was known for making them all cry, and Cuba Goodin’s character said you’re not gonna get me! But ended up breaking down crying like a baby?! (Here’s a little reminder)

Well, this happened: 

Gina said: “before you go, Kristen,  I wonder what words of wisdom or advice would you give your 17-year-old self?” 

A little taken off guard, It took me a moment, but in that momentary flash, I was my 17-year-old self.  My parents were going through a divorce, my father an abusive addict, and my mom was the sole breadwinner.  My sister and I actually worked full time as a senior in high school and my sister as a sophomore in college too.  

In that second I saw my very young little self: and out of nowhere, this is what poured out. 

  1. I would tell her to lay down her burdens; learn ways to release all the pressure.
  2. Create through joy.  Stay in her joy!
  3. Ask for help and take the right action! (for yourself)  Keep asking if you don’t receive what you need.  Speak your truth. 

I could feel the tears coming and I was fighting them!

 The burdens were great back then, and the joy of a 17-year-old adolescent putting on the back burner and asking for help didn’t really work. 


There were more people to ask than I could have asked if I realized.   The joy came in the strangest moments and taking the right action begins with yourself first.  

Those were shocking revelations for me….. The epic lasting love has to begin with yourself, how do you lay your burdens down?  Do you create joy?  What is the perfectly right action for you that keeps your heart-centered?

You can grab the six questions you must ask, which was the free gift I provided through the summit, now and do some journaling about your 17-year-old self.  

Journal Prompts: 

Perhaps from your adolescent self;  What are you holding needs to be unburdened?   Or right now,  what burdens can you ask to be helped with?  

Especially if you’re back in the dating world, those might be the parts of you that are rearing their heads for healing!  A 17-year-old dates very differently than you TODAY!



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