Women Fertility and The Instead

Have you heard of the game called Bean Boozled?

My family is on our second game of Bean Boozle and to be honest, I really have no idea why!

bean-boozledThe game works this way, you spin the spinner and everyone picks the same colored jellybean and the kicker is you don’t know if you’re getting Skunk Spray or Licorice or perhaps Stinky Socks or Tutti-Fruitti, or perhaps Toothpaste or Berry Blue.

I watch my family for an hour picking, tasting and saying

“I got the ______Instead of _______.”

Spitting the Instead out in a plastic cup followed by drinking water and moaning in discomfort. But they kept playing! Finally after Skunk Spray and Licorice they were done or maybe it was Barf or Peach?

But even when they got the Instead, they kept playing. One of my nephews received The Instead each and every time and even though, receiving The Instead, they all continued to play and suffered through the Lawn Clippings, Rotten Eggs, Toothpaste, Canned Dog Food (I kid you not) or Moldy Cheese. They talked, laughed, pointed at each other and then kept going.

All the while, I dry heaved a bit.

It got me thinking about all the times in my life that I got The Instead. And there have numerous Instead!

For example:

Instead of a positive pregnancy test getting a negative.

Instead of a healthy pregnancy to a healthy baby, getting the heartbreak of a miscarriage.

Instead of a long term loving, truth filled marriage getting a divorce or in my case a very high conflict divorce.

Instead of having my mom with me she is in heaven.

The Instead in my life’s journey so far have taken me to my knees and just when I thought that was it, I was done in, done for, heartbroken open on the bathroom floor (I think there is a song like that).

I picked again.

Could it be that is the way through?

Just to simply pick again?

With unconditional love and trust in oneself?

Starting over with a beginner’s heart of love?

Asking yourself… Who do I need to become in-order to get to the Non- Instead place?

Imaging, the way through by spinning the wheel again and being okay with getting Juicy Pear or Boogers?

I’m brainstorming here Instead of just out loud on paper…. Hmmm….

But when I look back at all The Instead in my life thus far, I have learned the most about courage, strength, love, fortitude, bravery, honor and integrity and my self.

Asking: How to love myself, be kind to myself and understand myself while honoring all who I love?

I have been bamboozled and shell shocked and knocked down.

But I chose again.

So How Are You Managing the INSTEAD?

You don’t have to go it alone, Instead participate in some of the powerful offerings this month which include my first annual Divorcing Intact Summit, NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week), A presenter with Dr. Michelle Sand’s Summit and or book a one-on-one private coaching session.

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